I saw this movie as a child. It came in 1963, but as I saw it on television, it must have been later. Whatever age I was, my brother was three younger. I can remember, after watching the movie, creeping my hand towards him from around corners, down from the top of the bunk-bed,...
Bad Movies I Love
Review: Crank 2, High Voltage
I love this movie. I’m unable to say why. I can link superlatives together, describe awesome over-the-top scenes, but the magic is in the attitude. From the opening credits which took the last scene from the first movie and did it 8-bit video-game format, we knew exactly what level to take the movie. Everything...
Polymorph
I just finished watching Polymorph, a straight-to-video cheapie made in 1996, for a budget that must have been under $100,000. It was a pretty standard mish-mash of alien body-snatcher, psycho drug dealers, and the band of attractive interns that alway seem to attract killing. I gave it five stars on Netflix. The acting was...
Double Feature: Hamlet 2 vs. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Hamlet 2 is this brilliant movie, in which a loser high school drama teacher decides to stage his own creation, a complex sequel to Hamlet that involves a time-traveling Jesus. A Jesus who “kicks ass”. Elizabeth Shue shows up to play herself, as a someone who is kind of done with acting. You get...
Eagle Eye Expectations
How come expectations are such an integral part of how we enjoy movies? Not just good or bad, but also type, genre, tone. We know who’s in the movie, we think we know the genre, maybe we know the story. Maybe we’ve scene trailers and think we’ve got it pretty much down. Eagle Eye...
Washing that Mummy out of My Brain
It always annoys when my friends say something like: “I could have told you that,” after I report that some movie really sucked. No, no you couldn’t have told me that. Sure, the Mummy III: Tomb of Jet Li Phoning It In looked bad. There were many warning signs. But these friends would have...
A Defense of Uwe Boll
Uwe Boll is, possibly, the worst director, ever. Worse, he has attacked one of my other loves, video-games in his ridiculous attempts to adapt a number of classic videogame franchises for the big screen. The primary crimes against video games, against movies, and against humanity itself include: Alone in the Dark (ridiculous) House of...
Lifeforce
To participate in Final Girl’s film club, I had Netflix send me Lifeforce, a 1985 Tobe Hooper move about Naked Space Vampires. Reach into my brain and pull out the perfect woman, and she might look like Mathilda May, the naked chick who walks around sucking blue light out of people in Lifeforce. But...
The Rundown
Speaking of movies with action, guys with whips, and an ancient artifact, I watched The Rundown again the other night. Originally, I told people that it wasn’t a great movie, but I liked it. But after seeing Indiana Jones fall apart with a huge budget because of an utter lack of story, I appreciate...
We Need a New Word for Bad Movies
But there are degrees of badness within the Michael Bay category. Pearl Harbor was so bad they wrote a song about it. And Transformers 2: ROTFL, hurt.
Read more »