Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus: Breaking the Contract

My old roommate watched reality shows, like I Love NY and Rock of Love.  It was a total trainwreck, bad television gone worse, but there was something compelling in watching people be honestly stupid.  Some things you just can’t coach.  Yes, I know there is a bit of scripting, drama is encouraged, but you can see that some of the “contestants” really believe in what they’re trying to do.

Bad movies can be like that.  Uwe Boll really thinks he can direct.  The actors in most Sci-Fi originals are putting what they have on the table.  There’s no money for effects, the director is probably wasted, and the writers cobble their facts and plot points from other movies.  But that’s because they believe in those other movies.  Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus has everything you think you want in a bad movie:

• Bad Special Effects
• Ridiculous physics
• Know-it-all scientists quoting 5th grade knowledge as if they discovered it
• Fake accents
• Sets that don’t match exterior shots
• Plot holes and over-dramatic story elements that don’t relate to the plot
• Lorenzo Lamas

But they’re faking it.  That’s not always bad.  A lot of bad movies are made better because the people making them were just having fun.  Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is kind of awesome because Jesus teams up with a Mexican wrestler.  That’s just a genuine WTF.

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus doesn’t have the crazy vision of JCVH, but it’s badness is guided by a conscious: “let’s do something stupid and the frat boys will laugh at this movie.”  Shark jumping 35,000 feet to take down an airliner?  No problem.  Scientists trying to solve problem by mixing colors?  Sure.  A submarine commander who got fired for running aground to avoid hitting a dolphin?  Why not?  It’s like they’re making the movie, throw in a clip of a battleship and say: “let’s call it a destroyer!”  “But it’s a battleship!”  “Yes, but the kids will laugh at us.”  Then the battleship fires guns fore and aft while the shark is attacking from the side.

We love bad movies because they make stupid mistakes, or because they try things nobody else will do, or just because that’s the best they could be.  But if someone cheats, if someone makes the movie a lot worse, because they’ve identified the market segment that likes to laugh at them, then the contract is broken.  It’s a cheat.  This movie, even with Debbie Gibson playing someone with a washed-up career, is a fake bad movie.  Which doesn’t mean it’s any good.